The 
                            Catskills: The Man with a Hole In His Head (cont.) 
                           This summer down by the Delaware 
                            River where Orson has lived for uncounted years, a 
                            big willow tree collapsed under the weight of years 
                            and a storm. It fell directly in front of Orson's 
                            house. The last time I spent any time with Orson was 
                            a Christmas holiday celebration at an old farmhouse 
                            by the river, maybe ten years ago. The meal that day 
                            was as regional as you can get: rabbit and squirrel 
                            stew. Quite delicious. 
                          Orson may not remember me, but I 
                            had been meaning to do him a favor, and now was my 
                            chance to ask about it. 
                             
                            “Hello, Mr. Barnes. How have you been?” 
                          “Just fine,” he said cheerily. 
                             
                            “How about that big willow that went down at your 
                            house.” 
                          “Oh, yeah,” says he in acknowledgement. 
                          “I've been meaning to ask, would 
                            you like some help cutting it up? I got a nice chainsaw 
                            looking for some action.” 
                          “Oh, no thanks. I just haven't got 
                            around to it. Just haven't had the time. But no thank 
                            you.” 
                          Pride. That stubborn old self-sufficiency. 
                            Yes, Orson is one of them just as certainly as I will 
                            never be. 
                          Come winter when the tourists and 
                            weekenders thin out and go back to New York City, 
                            or wherever they come from, I am left behind. Until 
                            the hunters arrive, usually before deep snow. Deer 
                            season comes first (bow season first, .30-.30s later), 
                            then wild turkey hunting is upon us, and the huge, 
                            silly birds I seek pecking around my pond at dawn 
                            vanish on cue. 
                          Making a living here is not easy 
                            unless you work the tourist trade, run a restaurant 
                            or a bar. Even then good times are spotty. By deep 
                            winter am I long past asking myself what the hell 
                            I am doing here. A big time out is driving twenty-four 
                            miles round-trip for groceries.  
                          When it's snowing, late afternoon 
                            brings the dark. I could see, once, through the headlights 
                            and the flurries that a big doe had just been struck, 
                            possibly by the pick-up truck far up in front of me. 
                            Hurt though conscious, she looks up at me from the 
                            snowdrift on the right bank where she's fallen. I 
                            slow down and watch her crane her neck upward, eyes 
                            yellow and fearful. I am struck with sorrow. 
                          My shopping tour is quick, and I 
                            buy an extra head of broccoli; I have hatched this 
                            misbegotten notion that if the stricken doe has sustenance 
                            through the night, she might 
                            limp back into the woods. 
                          Back on the two-laner, heading back 
                            south downriver, there is commotion in the road. Where 
                            the deer had been, car and a truck are stopped with 
                            their headlights on. 
                            I pull over, twenty yards distant onto the embankment 
                            with my paper bag of broccoli. 
                            I am just in time to see three men heave the doe, 
                            swung by her legs, into the back of a pickup. Thud. 
                            Roadkill this fresh will not go ignored on these roads 
                            for long. Certainly not in midwinter. Deer season 
                            is never long enough for empty freezers. 
                          I drive home in the dark, turning 
                            left onto the mountaintop before the highway descends 
                            back to the river, back to Orson's house a few miles 
                            below. It makes perfect sense that he would not accept 
                            a favor from a stranger. 
                          I will never stop loving this 
                            valley where I have lived, off and on, for more than 
                            twenty-five years. But I will never be from here. 
                            
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